


I'm Canada

by Prowl_Fan



Series: The day Canada died... [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Mad World, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-29
Updated: 2012-06-29
Packaged: 2017-11-08 19:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prowl_Fan/pseuds/Prowl_Fan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Canada is depressed because no one ever cares about him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Canada

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING!!!  
> THE FOLLOWING MAY BE DEPRESSING TO ANY/ALL HETALIA FANS!

‘I have never asked for much.’ Matthew thought, as he walked down the hallway of his own for the last time, ‘all I ever wanted was for someone to look at me, instead of through me. All I wanted was to be seen.’

A forlorn looking Kujimirou followed his owner, his cries of “Who are you?” having gone ignored for over two weeks. The bear sniffed his master’s feet, moping silently.

Matthew walked on, not feeling the soft fur that once would have comforted him, would have told him that he wasn’t alone. He was numb to the outside world. The only thing he felt was the cold that had enveloped him since as long as he could remember. The only thing he felt was how numb he was, isolated involuntarily from the rest of the world. The only thing he felt was alone. 

A song he hadn’t been hearing recently came back to him, and he smiled through the tears that slipped down his face. It fit his life now, so well. 

‘let’s go over it all again,’ he thought to himself, and in his mind the song started up, the opening piano seemed warm and inviting, like how having a friend would feel, he supposed.

The singing started in a worn, tired voice;

_“All around me are familiar faces,  
worn out places, worn out faces”_

He closed his eyes, as the words brought up all the pain he had felt over the century and a half of loneliness. He wasn’t sure how to explain how he felt, explain that he was alone. He was always alone. 

_“Bright and early for the daily races,  
going nowhere, going nowhere.”_

The last meeting he had been to flashed in Matthew’s mind, and hot tears fell down his cold, pale face as he realized that that would be the last meeting he would ever go to. They had argued, as usual, over this or that petty detail, none having noticed Matthew sitting beside them, waiting for his turn. Actually, he had almost been sat on by his brother. Again. 

_“Their tears are filling up their glasses,  
No expression, no expression.  
Hide my head; I wanna drown my sorrow,  
No tomorrow, no tomorrow.”_

Matthew wondered how long it would take them to notice that he wasn’t there. He wondered how long they would be sad that he was gone before they went back to doing what they always did. He was certain it would take at least a month (the time to the next world conference) for them to notice him. And he would also be looking optimistic of he said that he thought they would be sad for him maybe three days.

_“And I find it kinda funny,  
I find it kinda sad  
That the dreams in which I’m dying  
Are the best I’ve ever had.  
I find it hard to tell you,  
I find it hard to take.  
When people run in circles,  
It’s a very very….”_

Those verses were the ones Matthew really had been thinking about. It was amazing how well they fit his recent life. He had woken up nearly every night for the past three weeks from a dream about someone noticing him. He had always clung to the emotions he felt when he woke up. It was only last Tuesday that he realized that the only dreams that he felt like that about were also the dreams that had him killing himself. And the next day he had realized that he didn’t care.

_“Mad world….  
Mad world….”_

The world was dull and grey, cold and unforgiving, unnoticing, uncaring. He doubted they would ever find his body.

_“Children waiting for the day they’ll feel good,  
Happy birthday, happy birthday,  
When I feel the way that every child should,  
Sit and listen, sit and listen,”_

The song brought back more memories, this one of his birthdays. Well, his and Alfred’s. But no one had ever wished him a happy birthday, no one had ever made him a cake. Alfred on the other hand, had always gone parading around on his birthday, he had always gotten all the attention he could ever want. Not that Matthew was jealous, it would just be nice sometimes for someone to talk to him. It would be nice if for once, someone saw him and didn’t immediately think he was Alfred.

_“I went to school and I was very nervous,  
No one knew me, no one knew me.  
Hello teacher, tell me what’s my lesson?  
Look right through me, look right through me,”_

Now Matthew thought back to when he was a little kid, when Alfred would sometimes see him. Not that Arthur ever acknowledged him, but back then it didn’t seem to matter as much. It had always seemed more important for him to find out who he really was. And now, decades later, he finally knew the answer to that question. He was a wallflower, he desperately clung to the shadows to remain unseen, but at the same time he longed to be seen, he longed for someone to really know who he was.

_“And I find it kinda funny,  
I find it kinda sad  
That the dreams in which I’m dying  
Are the best I’ve ever had.  
I find it hard to tell you,  
I find it hard to take.  
When people run in circles,  
It’s a very very….”_

Matthew shivered, and realized just how tired he was, tired of trying to get seen or noticed. And at last, now it was time to stop dreaming.  
Now it was time to dream.

_“Mad world….  
Mad world….  
Enlargen your world……  
Mad world….”_

Matthew smiled, and decided he couldn’t let such a nice song go to waste. He turned around, and climbed the stairs to his attic. It had to be here somewhere….

There it was! Matthew pulled an old CD player out of the dusty miscellaneous memorabilia he kept up here. Then he dug around until he located the CD that had the song on it. This would work.

He carried the Beaten CD player down the stairs, and back through the hall. Kujimirou was gone, and Matthew sighed at the thought of losing the only thing that ever been like a friend to him, but he was also happy. Someone would have to take care of the little polar bear…

On an impulse, Matthew had also brought a timer with him, the kind that would measure the time it would be from when he closed that door, to when it would open again. 

He just thought that they should know how little they cared.

Not wanting to be really cruel, he had also written seventeen heartfelt apologies and letters to people that he would have missed if they went missing. But he also wanted them to know how alone and forsaken he had felt for his entire life. So he had hidden these letters around his home.

If they cared enough about him to find them, they could know how much he had cared.

Finally he had reached the room, and carefully, he set the CD player on the table beside where the rope swung slightly in the breeze. He slammed the door, and the timer started. More tears slid down Matthew’s face, and he pushed in the play button.

The sad, melodic song started up, and he climbed on top of the chair. The tired singing started,

“All around me are familiar faces,  
Worn out places, worn out faces.”

The rope felt scratchy around his neck, but Matthew didn’t care. It wasn’t like he would have to put up with it for very long anyway.

“Bright and early for the daily races,  
Going nowhere, going nowhere.”

He pinned the piece of paper to his chest, it declared in bold letters,  
 **‘YOU DIDN’T NOTICE, DID YOU?’**

“Their tears are filling up their glasses,  
No expression, no expression.” 

“maple,” he silently whispered  
‘I have never asked for much.’ Matthew thought, ‘all I ever wanted was for someone to look at me, instead of through me. All I wanted was to be seen.’

“Hide my head; I wanna drown my sorrow,  
No tomorrow, no tomorrow…”

He jumped, and the darkness embraced him,

““And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad  
That the dreams in which I’m dying  
Are the best I’ve ever had.”


End file.
